dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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