omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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