my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
