i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
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Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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