so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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