Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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