we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
