chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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