Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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