apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize