I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
