I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
