How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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