He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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