I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Randomize
