i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
