WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
