If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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