You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
