By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
