I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
