I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Every concussion has its silver lining
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
