You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
