I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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