I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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