on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize