Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
