just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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