Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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