she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
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the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
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Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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