let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
