Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
