I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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