in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I am naked and annoyed.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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