ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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