im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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