I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
