pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
