I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
