she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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