on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
