Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
