I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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