yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Please don't give away my fajitas
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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