my phone needs a breathalizer
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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