I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
