Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
