Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
