She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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