lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He passed out mid-signature
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
