id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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