I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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