my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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