I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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