The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
