Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
