We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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