What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
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It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
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Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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