I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
