I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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