She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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