Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
