Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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