Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
