Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
