Nicole vs. Life
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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